Well that’s a mouthful – and welcome back!
When I’m not toiling away at the new job, tending to the next generation of genii, or mixing up a metaphor or two – my mind wanders. Imma hearing & seeing all good things about Colonel Bernie Sanders (via Facebook mostly) and I sense that he’s taken a leaf outta Obama’s “Big Book of Winning” and got his southern fried ass onto Social Media toot sweet.
“Feel the Bern” they tell me. “America shouldn’t be run by the Billionaires” they tell me. And no doubt that’s all true – but where are the answers Bernie? How are you going to shut down Gitmo? How are you going to take the guns out of all those idiots’ hands (and the murderers too). I’m hearing the propaganda (I had to check my definition – yes, it was taken from the “big book of definitions written by old, white men a long time ago” – just a disclaimer) but I’m not feeling it.
Time to fire up the Blender of Truth!
Maybe I can make sense of this dilemma through the medium of Smoothie?
I’m calling this one “Feel the Burn” in honour of Senator Sanders’ bid for the White House (or at least the Democrat ticket for the bid for the White House).
As I’m a newbie smoothie chef, t’internet must provide the recipe. A few key ingredients googled later and it’s “Men’s Health” magazine which offers the following irresistible “Fat Burning” elixir.
Ooh – a miracle drink. It burns your fat and makes you thin. Whatever next? Gorgeous.
I call it: “Feel the Burn #1”
9 x strawberries (at the height of their powers …..right ….. NOW)
100 ml Turkish Yoghurt (only 10% fat, but better than 0% . I suppose)
Half a chilli (deseeded)
Frozen Blackberries (I had ’em already blended, sieved and frozen – don’t suffer the pip people)
1 frond of Kale
400 ml of cold Green Tea (requires forethought, or an impatient hour slamming freezer doors)
Looks fabulous doesn’t it? Pink & frothy – wonderfully placematted with Marilyn via Warhol (did you know you can pick up a “second run” Warhol print of Marilyn down in the fabulous SE1, for £900? WANT!)
… except it tastes like shit.
Life is too short for a sour pink drink. It’s not at all hot, it is watery and without any body and let’s face it – it was never gonna get mine back into a bikini. It’s PROPAGANDA in a goddamned cup.
If my “Frozen Monkey” triumph (Facebooked on a whim; to be repeated here in the Autumn) is a 9/10 – this disappointment is a 2 point meh. I don’t know about you – but I don’t trust food that looks “All that and Dim Sum” yet hides a paltry performance on the tongue.
I think what Bernie is trying to tell me via my Blender, is that you can’t judge a book by its cover (well that’s an age-old proverb and I think I knew that already, thanks Bernie) but also – that I can do better than some hack at “Men’s Health”, if only I would “persevere”, trust the taste in my own mouth and find the truth. It’s out there.
I give you: Feel the Burn #2
6 x strawberries
1 x large granny smith apple, cored; skin on
2 x large chillies and leave the seeds in (DO NOT do this. My chillies were essentially Capsicums wearing a chilli suit. Yours will be hotter so you should start out with 1 chilli + seeds and take it from there)
3 x slices of sliced tinned mango
1 x pitted medjool date (Who moved Medjools?)
1 x frond Kale
100ml Green Tea (lukewarm, with ice cubes; only so much perseverance in my kitchen)
200 ml coconut milk
leaves of mint
Huh? Huh? Looks like a cup of curry, doesn’t it? I have styled it accordingly with a nod to our local “Mogul Dynasty” and it was met with knitted eyebrows from my tasters.
Trust me – it tastes good. It’s a 7/10 now. It has most of the “miracle” properties of #1 (so if ever those claims of ‘fat burning’ are true, you’re not turning your fat back on them) with a bit more sugar via the dates and mangoes (sue me). The coconut adds a little Hawaiian slide-guitar into the mix.
So what does it all mean? In the Great Big Smoothie of 21st Century American Politics, all that is Pink & Frothy is not delicious and sometimes, you gotta make an ugly drink to “Feel the Bern”.
I Felt my Burn – how about you?
Next week: Apple Corbyn-tini