The Real Housewives of Westminster.


I’ve not suffered grief, not as an adult. The last time someone really close to me died, it was 1979. It was the simple sadness of childhood and long forgotten by now.

A cancer diagnosis for a close relative (and not my own) probably is the closest I’ve come. That thing, when you wake up and wonder ‘yeah, why am I sad?’ and the thud when your brain reminds your heart. Apparently this happens because you can’t process it in one hit. Your mind ‘reconstructs’ the way things were before ‘the thing’ as you follow the usual pattern of your day – and then the thud. Yeah, here comes that thing again.

So it goes with Brexit.

Shocked, bemused, frustrated, livid, INCANDESCENT, frightened, swearing at my mum on Skype about all those other motherfuckers (sorry Mum), Over it, On top of it, laughing out loud on the train at the futility and receiving dagger eyes from the other camp, getting drunk (lotsa booze folks), Blubsy in the Corner, gigantic bags of crisps (it works), one eye on the Bloomberg channel ticker feed, one eye on the Guardian, one eye on the Kardashians (What a bad time to be all up to date with the Housewives of 3 major US cities? Big assed Kardashians are a poor substitute I know, but my GOD, Those People! And I’m slightly enamoured with the way they bleat like lambs when they laugh. It’s soothing. Kanye remains silent throughout. He’s a Remainer, God love him).

But not the Queen. God is not going to save the Queen – after her bloody dinner party Parlour Games, giving the Bingo set young and old their coded message: Give me 3 good reasons to stay in the European Union. [Give me 3 good reasons to keep the Monarchy, M’am] She may as well have sent a guilty-edged note on vellum, rolled into cigarillo formation and tucked into the collar of a Corgi to every doggone household ‘up and down the country’ (I hate that cliché, I rue the day it was coined) with the words. VOTE LEAVE. Way to go QEII.

“But Grandmama, you’ve lost half of the realm. It was our future. Now what?”

“They were rude.  I never liked them.”

“That was the Chinese Ambassador.”

“Where am I?” *carks it*

They really are just like the rest of us after all. Whodathunkit?

Pop-up government. Eton Rifles at Dawn. Collapso Politico. They nearly ruined Wimbledon, FFS. Nearly.

This cluster fuck did not happen in isolation nor in a vacuum. WWLRS? (What Would Lisa Rinna Say?) Own it. OWN. IT.own your shit

Then for the love of Mike, Fix It.




6 thoughts on “The Real Housewives of Westminster.

  1. This was so good.
    From over here (oz), the whole thing seems totally shocking, surprising, bewildering – like the UK has suddenly become as nuts as the U.S. The British are supposed to be reserved, not dramatic!

    I didn’t even follow the campaigns that closely because I thought Remain was a sure thing. Especially after the referendum on Scotland result.

    The abiding impression now is two things:
    1) The complete and utter arrogance of Cameron and Johnson. Playing, gambling with the fate of the nation- just because they can. When you feel like you’re born to rule, you can’t conceive of people-power in any real way. It’s my impression that neither of them really believed that the Leave camp could win. Cameron thought he could placate the far right wing of the party by promising them a referendum, to shut them up, so he could then go on to continue in his rightful place, reigning over the peasants. For Johnson, it was all a joke, a lark. Just like back in his ‘journalism’ days. How outrageous could he be? How much crazy-talk could he get away with? Ho-ho-ho fat man, it’s bitten you on the hiney now. His withdrawal from the leadership race shows he never had any real conviction. What a blatant coward.
    2) This is a warning neo-liberals, corporatists and conservatives every where – if you ignore the needs, and voices, of the working class; if you are condescending to the low-information voter; if you toy with latent xenophobia as a tool to defeat the left (though there’s barely a real left anymore); if it’s austerity for the plebs and business as usual for the top end of town; if fears about identity and immigration are written off as racism without a strong and convincing leadership supporting multiculturalism as a positive value (like in Canada) – you create space for the far right wing to take hold. And then it’s a runaway train.
    This is what happened in Germany in the 20s and 30s. People think all that can never happen again? It can happen again.

    There is a big change occurring. This to me is the event that marks a turning point – the real end of the 20th century perhaps? We seem to be moving into a new era – the response to Thatcherism, Reganism, Clintonism and Blairism.

    The paradigm seems like it’s no longer Left vs Right (as they’ve kind of merged). It’s now Establishment vs Outsider (populist). So this could be a chance to correct things (Bernie) or this could just take us over the cliff (Trump). The choice in the U.S. has been narrowed to Establishment (no correction) vs Crazy.
    And so with that, I’ll go and do my civic duty today and vote in Australia – between establishment with a twist of fascism; or establishment with a garnish of protest vote due to our preferential voting system.

    I’m quite depressed about the world.


    Liked by 1 person

    • Agree, agree, agree. They crashed the country in a Game of Bullingdon Thrones. Also, I think what you are not getting in the news reports, is the atmosphere between the people. We are utterly divided, in the road where we live, in our places of work, in our families. People can’t look at other family members, even after the catastrophic fallout – the Leave side still think it is a good idea. Society’s division is complete. It is that which has been the most insidious. We are a bit blase about the ‘ruling elite class’ as they have been there all along, Tories not too different to New Labour, different accents. So the heartbreak (and I don’t use the word lightly) is about how this has ruined the fabric of our society and that the neo-fascists have been handed a giant megaphone. Even ‘if’ (and it’s not going to happen) but even ‘if’ the politicians voted down the result and we remained in the EU, it’s not going to fix the problem we’ve got. Years of hardcore cuts – not too noticeble down south – but devastating up north. No hope, nothing left. That vote I understand and I’m sorry we let it get to that state, because like it or not, this situation was created by everyone with their eyes wide shut. I do not understand the vote of the privileged people down south, who felt that they’d like to be a bit more British and get rid of Johnny Foreigner. Good for the Country, what. The economic fallout will hit the poor first, and hard. Dead cat, still bouncing. You’d never know that someone ‘won’ the argument – as Nige says “we’re not laughing now” – NONE of us. I wonder what the result would have been if voting was compulsory? Not as depressed as we are, Sza. I like to think that Brexit is our gift to the Americans, for giving us Bush. 🙂


    • Sza, you’ll find this interesting: – especially the part about “Values, such as whether children should obey their parents or whether we should bring back the death penalty, are better indicators of a Leave or Remain vote than income, he says:
      The graph below, restricted to White British respondents, shows almost no statistically significant difference in EU vote intention between rich and poor. By contrast, the probability of voting Brexit rises from around 20 per cent for those most opposed to the death penalty to 70 per cent for those most in favour. Wealthy people who back capital punishment back Brexit. Poor folk who oppose the death penalty support Remain.”
      I’ve been thinking for a while (7 days!) that this has more to do with ‘what the heart wants’ than ‘intelligence’ (because that was the immediate response: those fools!) It’s like a smart person falling in love with an asshole. Happens all the time. I saw another graph (will try to dig it out again), which highlighted correlating values with a Leave vote – apparently Multiculturalism, Immigration, and FEMINISM all scored highly as a ‘force for ill’ with people voting to Leave. Send all the women back to Europe where they belong! (where’s me suitcase?) ha!


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