First Up: Jimmy Carr’s joke about Madonna’s stash of drugs (erm, HRT) wasn’t all that. He should find himself encircled by a hot-flash-mob of HRT-deprived ladies one day and crisp up in the face of Mons Fecking Vesuvius.
I just find the little man ….taxing ….these days. (boom tish but probably a boom tish for UK residents only: JC was embroiled in a tax avoidance scandal a few years ago. When Cameron thinks something is morally wrong, you know you’ve gone too far)
And so, to the fallen Madonna;
or as she’s known in the Vortex: La Madonna Caduti
Last night, I had every intention of getting off the Twitter at a reasonable hour when a little birdy told me that Madonna had just fallen from the stage at the Brit Awards! And … I was still in time to catch it on ITV+1.
Happy Days! I was preparing myself for a car crash of epic proportions and had to sit through a few more awards / performances/ant+dec unfunny ‘bits’ to get to the moment of interest.
Then it happened.
“Oh Sh*t!” I shouted at the telly.
It was really awful to see and I’m surprised ITV+1 aired it, to be honest. Surely Madonna’s “people” would do some fancy footwork of their own to ensure that bit would be edited out of the delayed coverage? Madge, you need some new “people” on the books.
At the start of the performance, Madonna stood atop 5 largish steps, her ginormous cape about to be whipped away from her neck by dancers in the dark. However …. the cape was fastened far too tightly and yanked Madonna instead – occasioning her to fly backwards over all the steps, landing on her ass – legs akimbo.
Kinda looked like she did a bit of a jump in there to aid some ‘bounce’ at the bottom? Imma run
ning with that. (I’m ma on the Imma bandwagon of late because I’ve only just worked out what Imma means and Imma use it all the time now). [Hard learning a new dialect? Innit? Imma get the hang of it real soon – Ed.]
Apart from the booming backing track there was silence in the 02 Arena (quite the dichotomy, no?). The dancers look confused (and not a little terrified). When Madonna rose, I sensed the sheerest of rages sweep over her face and she looked F*CKIN FURIOUS! She brushed back her hair and carried on. With lyrics such as: “If I should fall” etc, I didn’t know where to look! My hand was still covering my mouth for the rest of her performance (Just in case, you never know).
You know what else? I felt nothing but pride for the lady. What a monumental joke gravity played on you love – so undignified – and yet you went ON WITH THE SHOW like an OLD PRO. It’s going down in history (pardon the pun) as one of showbiz’s best recoveries. The audience went wild at the end and I’m guessing she got heaped with praise backstage for making a silk purse outta that sow’s ear. I had a cursory look around The Face Book (I joined today in a personal capacity, hate it already – you’ll only find the Vortex on Google+) and yes of course people are making crude jokes about a hellish stuff up and worse; making fun of HER for falling.
People, no. I think the take-home message is one of triumph and I am going to renew my Madonna Fan Club status TOOT-EFFING-SWEET.
What did you make of it?