GOOD NEWS: JC’s HRT-joke is ‘taxing’ and a fallen Madonna bounces back.


I find him ... taxing
I find the little man … taxing

First Up: Jimmy Carr’s joke about Madonna’s stash of drugs (erm, HRT) wasn’t all that. He should find himself encircled by a hot-flash-mob of HRT-deprived ladies one day and crisp up in the face of Mons Fecking Vesuvius.

I just find the little man ….taxing ….these days. (boom tish but probably a boom tish for UK residents only: JC was embroiled in a tax avoidance scandal a few years ago. When Cameron thinks something is morally wrong, you know you’ve gone too far)

And so, to the fallen Madonna;

or as she’s known in the Vortex: La Madonna Caduti

Fallen Madonna
“La Madonna Caduti” (Fallen Madonna). Cape on Stair, circa 2015

Last night, I had every intention of getting off the Twitter at a reasonable hour when a little birdy told me that Madonna had just fallen from the stage at the Brit Awards! And … I was still in time to catch it on ITV+1.

Happy Days! I was preparing myself for a car crash of epic proportions and had to sit through a few more awards / performances/ant+dec unfunny ‘bits’ to get to the moment of interest.

Then it happened.

“Oh Sh*t!” I shouted at the telly.

It was really awful to see and I’m surprised ITV+1 aired it, to be honest. Surely Madonna’s “people” would do some fancy footwork of their own to ensure that bit would be edited out of the delayed coverage? Madge, you need some new “people” on the books.

At the start of the performance, Madonna stood atop 5 largish steps, her ginormous cape about to be whipped away from her neck by dancers in the dark. However …. the cape was fastened far too tightly and yanked Madonna instead – occasioning her to fly backwards over all the steps, landing on her ass – legs akimbo.

Kinda looked like she did a bit of a jump in there to aid some ‘bounce’ at the bottom? Imma running with that. (I’mma on the Imma bandwagon of late because I’ve only just worked out what Imma means and Imma use it all the time now). [Hard learning a new dialect? Innit?  Imma get the hang of it real soon – Ed.]

Apart from the booming backing track there was silence in the 02 Arena (quite the dichotomy, no?). The dancers look confused (and not a little terrified). When Madonna rose, I sensed the sheerest of rages sweep over her face and she looked F*CKIN FURIOUS! She brushed back her hair and carried on. With lyrics such as: “If I should fall” etc, I didn’t know where to look! My hand was still covering my mouth for the rest of her performance (Just in case, you never know).

You know what else? I felt nothing but pride for the lady. What a monumental joke gravity played on you love – so undignified – and yet you went ON WITH THE SHOW like an OLD PRO. It’s going down in history (pardon the pun) as one of showbiz’s best recoveries. The audience went wild at the end and I’m guessing she got heaped with praise backstage for making a silk purse outta that sow’s ear. I had a cursory look around The Face Book (I joined today in a personal capacity, hate it already – you’ll only find the Vortex on Google+) and yes of course people are making crude jokes about a hellish stuff up and worse; making fun of HER for falling.

People, no. I think the take-home message is one of triumph and I am going to renew my Madonna Fan Club status TOOT-EFFING-SWEET.

What did you make of it?

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14 thoughts on “GOOD NEWS: JC’s HRT-joke is ‘taxing’ and a fallen Madonna bounces back.

  1. Yes I thought You’d be able to work with “Schadenfreude is a dish best served cold” as I read your cooking blog and I sense your power! Perhaps you could call it Schaden-freeze? Delightful in the summer months with Pims, as the days lengthen etc.

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  2. And now I shall cool down with a little schaden-freeze myself as I bring you to book for misuse of the term “imma”! From what I understand it means “I’m going to…” ie “Imma let you finish Taylor (Swift)” – “imma running with that” = “I’m going to running with that” – or, potentially charmingly, “I’mma running with that” in the Italian accent of a Disney cartoon chef in Lady & the Tramp – ?? Are youa running with that interpretation?
    Forgive me for schaden-freezing you but as you know the mirror has, at minimum, two faces but usually many more faces. Two faces AT MINIMUM!

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  3. I believe I have sorted the Imma errors now – Ed has been in with the big black marker above. Imma sorry for any inconvenience (yes, I know). I would however, like to spend a future blog talking only in pastiche-Italian aka Pistachio! Nuts, si?

    If you’re standing in front of a mirror ball (as I ususally am – I like the Vortex to be well-lit of an evening) then of course the Mirror has Myriad faces.

    I do like the idea of a little cup of “harm/joy” over summer. I’ll make a board over on Pinterest in prep. Pimms + a Quaalude?

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    • I’ll give you that one. It is a very good line. I’m sure she does have a little Cape Fear now. If Madonna was jettisoned up in the air, we could have called the affair “Cape Canaveral.”

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  4. I also have renewed respect for Madonna. After all, she is no spring chicken and it must have hurt like hell being yanked backwards like that. (It looked pretty forceful).Being the Trooper she is though, she got up and danced (on those massive heels)!

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    • Hey Edwina! Lovely to hear from you, thanks for popping over from Edwina’s Episodes! Madonna Rocked the Brits as few others did. My first thought when I saw her fall was “ouch!” – it was a nasty one, regardless of her age (canNOT believe the hype around that – but I guess, she’s had to deal with criticism of some sort throughout her career …. Age is her Final Frontier!) Currently doing the social media rounds, there is a transcript of her upcoming appearance on Jonathan Ross: she didn’t hurt her backside so much (she had ‘tucked’ as she would have falling from a horse) but she did bang her head pretty hard and had a spot of whiplash. So it was probably even more painful than it looked. I had all but forgotten about Madonna (nah, not really), but the way she pulled herself up by her bootstraps was her best PR in years.

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